It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
“What are my choices?” the man asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.


Funny Clever Joke: A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when….

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered.

He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.

The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her.

Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.’

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The young man replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man’s hand along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, “Clean my house.”

Quick Joke – "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I inviteda mate home for dinner."

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a mate home for dinner.”

“What? Are you crazy?

The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor bastard is thinking about getting married.”

Aussie Quick Joke – Sheila wants an all over suntan…..

Sheila wants an all over suntan but is not quite sure how to ho about it so she says to Bruce;

You reckon I should go sunbathing in the nude in the backyard?

“Yeah, no worries”, says Bruce, “go for it.”

“But what if the neighbors see me naked, what will they think?” Sheila asked

Bruce; “that I married you for your money…..”

Rude Sexist Quick Joke – I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Wife came into the lounge…

I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Wife came into the lounge and says:

“Fancy a shag Babe?”

I said, “After the football love”

She said, “You do realise that you can record it?”

I said, “Nice, you get the camcorder, I’ll come upstairs when the footy finishes”.

Men vs. Women – ‘The Silent Treatment’

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. 

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM

and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed..

The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..’

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests..

Australian Clever Humor – Another Smart Arse Answer…….

A teacher at West Australian University reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final exam.

“Now listen to me, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

“What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

“Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”
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