An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to
the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
“Father … during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her
from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”
The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no
need to confess that.” Read the rest of this entry »
A priest hooks a huge fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says “Whoa, look at the size of that f**ker!”
“Hey, mind your language!” says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, “sorry father, but that’s what this fish is called – it’s a F**ker fish”
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
“Look at this huge f**ker” says the priest, spotting the bishop.
“Language please! This is God’s house,” replies the bishop.
“No, no – that’s what this fish is called,” says the priest.
“Oh,” says the bishop, scratching his chin “I could clean that f**ker And we could have it for dinner”..
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior.
“Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?” he asks her.
“My, what language!” she exclaims, clearly shocked.
“No, sister that’s what the fish is called – a f**ker” says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, “wonderful, I’ll cook that f**ker tonight, the Pope is coming for dinner!”
The fish tastes just great and the Pope asks where they got it.
“Well, I caught the f**ker!” says the priest.
“And I cleaned the f**ker!” says the bishop.
“And I cooked the f**ker!” says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap,
puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says
“You know what? You c**ts are alright.”
WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?
A drunk man who smelled strongly of beer sat down on on the Tube next > to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say > Father, what causes arthritis?”
The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”
The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be buggered, ” Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
“I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?”
The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
The Pastor’s Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Have a nice day!