I’m Death….

Advertisements

Who said old people lose their quick wit….

Signs that You Just can’t make up………..No Senior Citizens….

Scam against Older Men – Fresh From Australia

Warning: Scam Against Older Men and this is  good

And a  lot of men would have been caught.

Women often receive  warnings about protecting themselves at shopping centres and in dark car parks etc.

This is the first warning I have seen for men.. I wanted to  pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those  men who may be regular customers at Bunnings, Mitre 10, or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I  became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to  get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough  to think it couldn’t happen to you or your  friends. Here’s how the scam  works:

Two nice-looking,  university-aged girls will come over to your car or ute as you are  packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out  of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look). When you thank  them and offer them a tip,they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.

You agree and they climb  into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing.

Then one of them  starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your  wallet.

I had my wallet stolen  March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th.  Also April 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th,  and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to  be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

K-Mart has wallets on  sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99c at the two dollar store and bought them out in three of their  stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and  forth from Bunnings, to Mitre 10, to K-Mart etc.

So please, send this on  to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in  the afternoon.)

Please take this seriously and pass  on.

Joke Of The Day – The Radio……..

This letter was sent to the Kirkcaldy High School Principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.
This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kirkcaldy High School ,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the Raith home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to f*** off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,

Isa.

Best Sex Ever…….

Best Sex Ever

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small town. The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? 

We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.” Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.” OK,” he says, “how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?

“Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea,” she answers.


There’s a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, “I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.” 

So he follows them.. They walk haltingly along leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.

Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen- year-olds. 

This goes on for about forty minutes! She’s yelling, “Ohhh, God!” He’s hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I’ve got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, “That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? “You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of a secret?”

The old man says, “Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after…….

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time.

After inquiring about each other’s health one asked how the other’s husband was doing.

“Oh! Ted died last week.

He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down

dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”
“Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” replied her friend “What did you do?”

“Opened a can of peas instead.”

%d bloggers like this: