The joke of the day: Change of name. Three Chinese, Bu, Chu and Fu, wanted to emigrate to…..

 Three Chinese, Bu, Chu and Fu, wanted to emigrate to America.

After a while they decided to become American citizens, and therefore decided to change their names to

something that seemed more American.

Bu changed his name to Buck,  Chu changed his name changed name to Chuck and

Fu ……changed his mind and went back to China.

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Aussie Quick Joke – Sheila wants an all over suntan…..

Sheila wants an all over suntan but is not quite sure how to ho about it so she says to Bruce;

You reckon I should go sunbathing in the nude in the backyard?

“Yeah, no worries”, says Bruce, “go for it.”

“But what if the neighbors see me naked, what will they think?” Sheila asked

Bruce; “that I married you for your money…..”

Joke Of The Day…The Jewish Pilot & the Chinese Co-Pilot

A plane leaves Heathrow airport under the control of a Jewish captain.

His co-pilot is Chinese.

It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two, seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising  altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, “I don’t like Chinese.”

“No rike Chinese?” asks the co-pilot, “why not?”

“You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that’s why!”

“No, no,” the co-pilot protests, “Chinese not bomb Pearl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.”

“Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, doesn’t matter, you’re all alike!”

There’s a few minutes of silence.

“I no rike Jews either!” the co-pilot suddenly announces.

“Oh yeah, why not?” asks the captain.

“Jews sink Titanic!” says the co-pilot.

“What? That’s insane! Jews didn’t sink the Titanic!” exclaims the captain, “It was an Iceberg!”

“Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ,

No mattah… all same!!!”

The wolf within….​……. One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about….

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Joke Of The Day; IRISH BLACK HUMOR…….

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation ofAfrican Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

‘In fact’, he pointed out,’some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery’, asked the couple?

‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.

They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch!

Aussie Humor – Only a Farm Kid would say that!

Only a Farm Kid…
When you’re from the country, your perception is a little bit different.

A farmer in Queensland, Australia named Barry drove to a neighbours’ farmhouse in his Holden Ute, and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door

“Is your Dad, Rodney, or your mum, Glenda, home ? ” said the farmer.

“No, they went to town.”

“How about your brother, Nathan ? Is he here ? “

“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,

and mumbling to himself.

“I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad.

It’s about your brother Nathan getting my daughter Stephanie pregnant”.

The boy thought for a moment…

“You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig,

but I don’t know how much he charges for Nathan.”

Irish Coffee

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor?

‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee, he won’t even taste it.. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me  know how things went.’

A week later when she called the doctor, who  directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith,  bejaysus and begorrah!  T’was horrid!… Just terrible,  doctor!’

‘Really? …….What happened?’ asked  the doctor.

‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it  in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.  He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his  eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!  With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and  tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’

‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the Sex your husband provided wasn’t  good?’

‘Feckin jaysus, ’twas the best Sex  I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin here, I’ll never  be able to show me face in ‘McDonalds’ again! 

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