Daily Joke – The Sniffer Dog……..

A man settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever between them in the middle seat.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on  the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a ‘sniffing  dog’.

‘His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work.’

The plane took off and, once it had leveled out, the Policeman said ‘Watch this.’
 
He told Sniffer to ‘search’.
 
Sniffer  jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman’s arm.

The Policeman said ‘Good boy’ and he turned to the man and said ‘That woman is in possession of marijuana. I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

‘Gee, that’s  pretty good,’ replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The dog sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm.


The Policeman said, ‘That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.’

‘I like it!’ said his seat mate.

The  Policeman then told Sniffer to ‘search’ again.

Sniffer walked up  and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, ‘What’s going on  ?’

The Policeman nervously replied, ‘He’s just found a bomb.’

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Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children….

5 Secrets To A Perfect Relationship….

And God Said "Adam, I want you to do…..

God said, “Adam, I want you to do something for Me.”

Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?”

God said, “Go down into that valley.”

Adam said, “What’s a valley?”

God explained it to him.

Then God said, “Cross the river.”

Adam said, “What’s a river?”

God explained that to him, and then said, “Go over to the hill….”

Adam said, “What is a hill?”

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.”

Adam said, ‘What’s a cave?’

After God explained, He said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”

Adam said, “What’s a woman?’

So God explained that to him, too.  Then, God said, ‘I want you to reproduce.”

Adam said, “How do I do that?”

God first said (under His breath), “Geez…..” And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, “What is it now?”

And Adam said….

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(YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!)

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“What’s a headache?”

Joke Of The Day; IRISH BLACK HUMOR…….

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation ofAfrican Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

‘In fact’, he pointed out,’some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery’, asked the couple?

‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.

They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch!

Larry Joke – A New Teacher Was Trying To…….

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!

After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, Do you think you’re stupid, Larry?

No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!

Joke Of The Day… The Sailor and Cab Driver in Vegas…..

A sailor flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket — If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver’s license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said, “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!” So the sailor was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the sailor, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The sailor thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The sailor got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked? “Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?”

“What?!!! Get the hell out of my cab.”

The sailor got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?” The cabbie replied “fifteen bucks.”

The sailor said “OK” and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the sailor gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

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