My mum’s Irish, so my first hangover was from…

My mum’s Irish, so my first hangover was from too much breast milk.

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A Light Attraction….


In the countryside of Ireland, Mick’s wife went into labour in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.”

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

“Whoa there Mick” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down…I think there’s yet another little one to come yet.”


Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.


“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad…It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.


Then Mick scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: “Do ye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”

Irish Coffee

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor?

‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee, he won’t even taste it.. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me  know how things went.’

A week later when she called the doctor, who  directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith,  bejaysus and begorrah!  T’was horrid!… Just terrible,  doctor!’

‘Really? …….What happened?’ asked  the doctor.

‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it  in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.  He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his  eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!  With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and  tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’

‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the Sex your husband provided wasn’t  good?’

‘Feckin jaysus, ’twas the best Sex  I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin here, I’ll never  be able to show me face in ‘McDonalds’ again! 

Irish Coffee.. An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician toask his advice in reviving her husband’s libido.

Irish coffee 

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor?

‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee,

 he won’t even taste it.. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me  know how things went.’

A week later when she called the doctor, who  directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith,  bejaysus and begorrah!  T’was horrid!… Just terrible,  doctor!’

‘Really? …….What happened?’ asked  the doctor.

‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it  in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.  

 He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his  eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!  

 With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and  tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then

 and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’

‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the Sex your husband provided wasn’t  good?’

‘Feckin jaysus, ’twas the best Sex  I’ve had in 25 years!

 But sure as I’m sittin here, I’ll never  be able to show me face in ‘McDonalds’ again! 


An Irish Furniture Dealer Goes To Paris…..

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris , he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew
a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

The Irish Prostitute…Paddy was walking home…

Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.

She sways up to him and whispers in his ear “You can have me for only ‘Twenty pounds”

Paddy had never been with a prostitute before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty pounds. So they went into the bushes.

They’re going ‘at it’ for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.

It is a Police Officer.

‘What’s going on here, people?’ asks the cop

‘I’m making love to me wife!,’ Paddy answers sounding annoyed-

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know’
‘Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that bloody light in her face!!’

Paddy says to Mick – I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going…..

Paddy says to Mick – I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going to do it a bit different.

3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.

2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.

Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.


Mick asks – So what are you going to do this year?.


Paddy replies – I’m gunna take her with me!

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