A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered.
He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.
The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her.
Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.’
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The young man replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man’s hand along with her address.
She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, “Clean my house.”
The Old Flame
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called ‘out-of-the-blue’ to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that “old magic”.
“Wow!” I was flabbergasted.
“I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now”, I said,
“I’m a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me.
Plus I don’t really have the energy I used to have.”
She just giggled and said she was sure I would “rise to the challenge”.
“Yeah.” I said. “Just so long as you don’t mind a waistline that’s a few inches wider these days!
Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone…everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!”
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
Anyway, she giggled and said, “I’ve put on a few pounds myself!”
So I told her to f**k off.
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a mate home for dinner.”
“What? Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor bastard is thinking about getting married.”