Learn to swear
A 7-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.
‘You know what?’ says the 7-year-old, ‘I think it’s about time we started Swearing.’
The 4-year-old nodshis head in approval, so the 7-year-old says,
When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m going to swear first, then you swear after Me, ok?’
‘Ok’ the 4-year-old, agrees with enthusiasm..
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7-year-old what he wants for Breakfast.
‘Oh, shit mum, I don’t know, I suppose I’ll have some Coco Pops’
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up,
And ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4-year-old and asked with a stern voice, ‘ And what do YOU
Want for breakfast, young man?’
‘I don’t know,’ he blubbers, ‘but it won’t be f**king Coco Pops’
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother,’ ‘Mum, what’s sex?”
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said,’
‘Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?”
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.
‘ Mommy ,’ the little girl asks, ‘how old are you?’
‘Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,’ the mother replied.
‘It’s not polite.’
‘OK’, the little girl says,
‘How much do you weigh?’
‘Now really,’ the mother says,
‘those are personal questions and are really none of your business.’
Undaunted, the little girl asks, ‘Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?’
‘That’s enough questions, young lady! Honestly!’
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
‘ My Mom won’t tell me anything about her,’ the little girl says to her friend.
‘Well,’ says the friend,
‘all you need to do is look at her driver’s license.
It’s like a report card, it has everything on it.’
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
‘I know how old you are. You are 32.’
The mother is surprised and asks,
‘How did you find that out?
‘I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.’
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
‘How in Heaven’s name did you find that out?’
‘And,’ the little girl says triumphantly,
‘I know why you and daddy got a divorce.’
‘Oh really?’ the mother asks. ‘Why?’
‘Because you got an F in sex.’
If you see someone without a smile today