A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail, and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.. … If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain…do what ever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey………I love you too.”
A priest hooks a huge fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says “Whoa, look at the size of that f**ker!”
“Hey, mind your language!” says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, “sorry father, but that’s what this fish is called – it’s a F**ker fish”
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
“Look at this huge f**ker” says the priest, spotting the bishop.
“Language please! This is God’s house,” replies the bishop.
“No, no – that’s what this fish is called,” says the priest.
“Oh,” says the bishop, scratching his chin “I could clean that f**ker And we could have it for dinner”..
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior.
“Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?” he asks her.
“My, what language!” she exclaims, clearly shocked.
“No, sister that’s what the fish is called – a f**ker” says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, “wonderful, I’ll cook that f**ker tonight, the Pope is coming for dinner!”
The fish tastes just great and the Pope asks where they got it.
“Well, I caught the f**ker!” says the priest.
“And I cleaned the f**ker!” says the bishop.
“And I cooked the f**ker!” says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap,
puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says
“You know what? You c**ts are alright.”