Amazing Photo! – This won 1st prize in the 2011 Nat Geo Wildlife Photography Competition; Photo of a cougar asleep in a…

This photo of a cougar asleep in a tree won first prize in the 2011 Nat Geo Wildlife Photography Competition.


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WOMEN’S REVENGE – ‘Cash, check or charge?’…..

WOMEN’S REVENGE 

‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. 

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 

‘So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked. 

‘No,’ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me,  and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.’

A Man takes his Rottweiler to the Vet…….

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “

“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him”

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“What?

Because he’s cross-eyed? “

“No, because he’s really heavy”.

There’s Proof That Jesus Was A Black Man…..

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was a  Black Man :
> 1. He called everyone brother.
> 2. He liked Gospel.
> 3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

Aussie Joke – Bruces Grandather goes to a Drug Store

Bruce’s grandfather goes into a chemist to buy some Viagra.

Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?

I can cut them for you ‘ said the chemist but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.

I am 96 years old said the old man .

I don’t want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t piss on my slippers.

SMART ARSE ANSWER No 3

The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the Cop said.
 
The kid replied, “Well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A Blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm…..

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?”

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, “Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.

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